His arms still around her, the laugh still fresh in his tone, he whispered, “I know we’ve been talking for some time, and this is our first meeting, but my goodness how I wish I could take you home tonight.” 

She leaned back for a better glance into his eyes, so dark they seemed to have no ending. These were the dark pools of emotion that she’d always read about in her classic novels. The eyes she’d always been drawn to in others, but this was the first time that she’d had them gleaming at her, because of her. Her hands constricted tightly on his shirt, unbidden. 

“Willa. I know you want to explore kink. I can see it in the hesitation in your eyes and movements. Why does it scare you so much? Why haven’t you tried it out with someone? Surely you’ve had the chance?”

Blinking, she broke his gaze and glanced down to the buttons on his shirt. Her hands stayed gripped on his shirt, even if his question startled her for a moment. 

Willa began, “What if there’s the perfect person for me out there, and they’re vanilla as they come? What if I dip my toes into the lifestyle and find out I can’t have a ‘normal’ relationship without it? What if that perfect person doesn’t want to play in kinky ways and that is what tears apart what could have been ideal? I never could balance out the risk in my book, to be honest. I have lived my entire life without kinky sex or play. I don’t need it right now. What if it becomes necessary for every relationship I can ever have? I don’t think I can take that risk.” 

He blinked slowly, the corners of his mouth turning up so gently that it was barely noticeable. She could feel his grin shining below the surface though, and it warmed her so thoroughly that the bite of the cooled evening didn’t register anymore. 

“Oh, dear girly. But what if you find the perfect person for you that has all of that and more?” He placed his hands gently on hers at his side, and with his touch like a feather unhitched her fingers from his shirt. He pulled back with a sad smile. 

“I suppose it’s time to say goodnight. I really loved dinner with you, and catching you off guard. Can we do this again?” The dark pools of his irises drew her in. 

“Take me home.” Willa replied.

She couldn’t believe that she was doing this. A cold sweat sat on the skin of her toes as she followed his vehicle to his home, twisting through the country road he lived off of, in a newer subdivision that she’d not driven through as yet. The residents were much more well off than the ones in her neighborhood, she could see that very clearly. Large beautiful groomed lawns with powerful brick homes, shiny newer vehicles parked in the driveways if there was one visible at all. It seemed that in this neighborhood people actually used their garages for their vehicles, instead of storage units. Willa wasn’t used to this. She’d grown up very simply in an apocalyptic cult and she was used to being surrounded by people who thought similarly. Prioritizing prepping for the end of the current system of things didn’t allow for careers, much less ones that could lead to incomes that this neighborhood was used to. Living like no one else did, so that she could live like no one else did. 

Willa had abandoned this hope when she left the cult and wrote her exit letter. When she left her family behind, as well as any and all support she’d taken for granted before. Walking away wasn’t hard, to be honest, she’d been made of such things that independence screamed her name more strongly than their God did. She had never actually felt him, she realized. It had always been herself she prayed to, in the end. She prayed and the cult preyed on her and everyone else she loved, twisting their minds into believing that leaving was the worst thing she could do. 

It hadn’t been long since she’d left. Only about two years, two years of scraping by trying to support herself and renting a room from friends. No education and having to support herself meant a room with a blanket and pillow on the floor, stacks of books against every wall. And what a haven that room had become. It was hers and full of nothing she didn’t want in there. 

Snapping back to herself, Willa saw Matt’s vehicle pull up into an annoyingly angled driveway. She parked on the road, as she had a stick shift and didn’t want to deal with a mini panic attack wondering if her vehicle’s parking brake would actually work as it should. It was an older car she drove, and never worked exactly the way it should. 

Matt’s garage door was left open, and she saw him standing in the doorway watching her park. She walked up, avoiding his eyes, feeling a flush spread from her chest to her neck, then up to her chin, reddening her cheeks so much her eyes watered. Her feet climbed the pitched driveway, and she watched her toes, afraid to catch his eyes. Finally, his shoes came into view as well, and she couldn’t avoid looking at him anymore. She glanced up. 

He wasn’t grinning at her, his eyes held her softly instead, asking for her permission. He reached out a hand, and she didn’t hesitate to take it. 

“Welcome to my home, please come inside, I’d like to show you my playroom, if you would like to see it.” His voice was confident, proud, yet as gentle as any of his other words had been this evening. Except the comment about bathing in blood, she wasn’t likely to forget that one. And even so, she was here. She couldn’t help herself. 

She stuttered, “Show it to me please.” 

He turned, placing her hand on his arm like a gentleman, with his palm over the back of it. She tripped on the lip of the garage floor and cursed under her breath. He made her so clumsy it was comical. She giggled at herself, and pulled his arm closer. 

They climbed the steps to his entryway, and though her eyes were all for him she made sure to notice if there were any weird ropes or chains or items that could be used as weapons lying around. Then she scoffed at herself a second time. Of course there would be. That’s why she was here. 

“First, I can’t believe I forgot to ask, do you need to make a safe call or take a moment to text anyone? I’m so embarrassed, I should have asked you before you even followed me home.” 

She was taken aback. “What do you mean? What’s a safe call?” 

It was his turn to be slightly shocked. “When going to meet someone for a date or especially when going to their home you should always have a safe call or text set up with someone you trust. For safety’s sake! Go ahead and text someone and let them know you’re here, and that you’ll text them again by…” He checked his phone for the time, “…eleven tonight. Now step outside the door again and make that call.” He pushed her hand from his arm, crossed them, and tapped his toe like he was a drill sergeant. As if she even would know what they’re like, she’d never met one in her sheltered upbringing. Cult members didn’t join the military, after all.

Cowed, Willa stepped outside embarrassed. If she could ever stop blushing perhaps she’d be able to gather her thoughts, but it wouldn’t be tonight. She pulled her phone from her bag and sent a text to the friend she was renting a room from, letting them know she was on a date, the address, and that she’d be texting again around eleven that night. Slipping the phone back into her bag, she opened the door again and saw Matt standing right where he had been. 

“Send a text to someone safe?” He muttered gently. “I didn’t hear your voice.”

“I did, thank you, I’d never thought about doing that before. I don’t go home with people typically, this is my first time.”

His eyes grew large, “Really?! Well, what do you usually do on dates?”

“I don’t. Date, that is. I don’t date. Usually I get enough attention just chatting with people online. Dating is ridiculous.”

He laughed, “You definitely hit the nail on the head there. Now, if you’re ready, I can show you around.” 

She stepped back to his side, and put her hand on his arm. He looked her in the eyes, and moved her to the other side, to his left. 

“This side is better for you, girly.” He had a secret grin when he whispered this in her direction.